I guess I am full-time with “A”, the first time that I laid eyes on his 20 year old body was about three years ago. He was the man that helped me move out of the house I shared with my ex-fiancé, showed me how to love again after a bad relationship and we have this energy together that only happens a few times in a life time. I moved to Italy to heal and learn to love myself before I could love him. Five months turned into two and a half years drinking espresso, consuming massive amounts of carbs which is considered normal and getting lost in the Mediterranean Sea when I didn’t have to work until 5:30 p.m. I came home seven months later to spend three short weeks for Christmas and ring in the New Year with my family and friends. I spent the chilly December days with the girls and laughing with my grandmother, and the frosty December nights curled up next to him in a rented basement flat. It was cold and snow dusted the ground, but he held onto me like I was the last woman on earth, he warmed my heart and soul. I cried the day I had to say “good bye” and get on another airplane, I knew that I wasn’t healed and the South of Italy was waiting for me, like another lover, they both made me feel alive, the beauty and mystery is intoxicating and they both give me chills. I knew I had to leave him cold in that cold basement apartment, that he would be just fine and I wasn’t ready to be fully committed.
Another seven months came and went, the snow melted and revealed green grass, I was on another plane coming from North Africa, Spain, Italy then home. I arrived in the USA and called him. He was different, and so was I. I was dating an Italian man but it was rocky, I sometimes imagined that they would meet each other, as they both are very similar. That basement was long gone, as was the love we shared; it turned cold like those December nights. Perhaps he was afraid of me leaving, going off one more time without him to live my separate life. Perhaps he never loved me. All is unknown.
I hadn’t visited “home” for one year, I packed up my life from two years in Italy and exactly one year later I was sitting in my childhood home. I got an email that read
“How are you girl?” A
“I am wonderful, guess what?” “I am in America” – K
“When can I see you?” –A
“Now” – K
So, I went where I felt like I never left. Butterflies tickled my tummy as I saw him; he wrapped me up in his huge arms and smiled that smile that never left my heart. We talked like I never left him, and he never hurt me. And all that was said and done was the past and the present is now. And energy ran through us that was and is and always has been undeniable. He is distant, like he is afraid of being hurt. Even though I looked him in his eyes and confirmed that I am staying. We decided to try, like really try. Not just basement apartments, late night cuddles after happy hours and pretend to play house when I am in town.
Every thing was going well, and the first time I expressed openly my concerns about our new relationship. Perhaps, in fact, I need a healthy dose of attention. I am not like other women, I know. But just a phone call to say hello, a text to say I am thinking of you and mutual respect. Now we have found ourselves on the edge, or unstable. Maybe our relationship was never known or stable but now something has shifted again. A problem in communication, culture, language or perhaps all three.
“I am having people over on Sunday”
“Okay, cool, just let me know”
Sunday morning, I hadn’t heard from him. I texted him first to say “good morning” and I got a short response. I went and had coffee with a friend and called “A” after. He didn’t answer, nor text. I didn’t hear from until 6:30 p.m. which was four hours later.
“Hey, what are you doing?” – A
“Well having dinner with my family” –K
“I don’t speak Italian, what?” –A
I speak slower and repeat my sentence (English is his second language)
“Are you coming?”-A
“What? I didn’t hear from you all day, I had no idea what was going on. You didn’t call me back” –K (My thoughts were …and now after all of the liquor stores are closed (7:30 at this point) you want me to drive 60 minutes to your house after I had a glass of wine and it is dark.)
“I was busy, cleaning the house and getting stuff for the party”-A
“We are all busy, and you could not call your girlfriend and give her the respect of a phone call to tell her what time?”
“So you are not coming?” “This is bad Krysta.” – A
“You expect me to….” (my thoughts were I don’t hear from you all day and then you call me and expect me to jump up and run over to you?) I want a boyfriend that thinks about a girlfriend who has to drive a long distance on the beltway, gives her a certain time to come over and is never soooo ‘busy’ that he can’t return a phone call. And in addition, earlier I was channeling Will Smith in “Hitch” as I had a horrible allergic reaction to a certain type of wine, my face was red and swollen and I was looped up on Benadryl.
“I got to go, bye” - A
We haven’t spoken since. I feel hurt and he doesn’t understand why I am upset. I am sure he just thinks “she isn’t coming to my party.” Which of course is not very nice, I wanted to be there, naturally. But how can I be expected to just jump up with no confirmation, communication or contact? Am I wrong here? Should I have gone? Remember the allergy too. What should I do? Is it just not right, or worth it?
Another seven months came and went, the snow melted and revealed green grass, I was on another plane coming from North Africa, Spain, Italy then home. I arrived in the USA and called him. He was different, and so was I. I was dating an Italian man but it was rocky, I sometimes imagined that they would meet each other, as they both are very similar. That basement was long gone, as was the love we shared; it turned cold like those December nights. Perhaps he was afraid of me leaving, going off one more time without him to live my separate life. Perhaps he never loved me. All is unknown.
I hadn’t visited “home” for one year, I packed up my life from two years in Italy and exactly one year later I was sitting in my childhood home. I got an email that read
“How are you girl?” A
“I am wonderful, guess what?” “I am in America” – K
“When can I see you?” –A
“Now” – K
So, I went where I felt like I never left. Butterflies tickled my tummy as I saw him; he wrapped me up in his huge arms and smiled that smile that never left my heart. We talked like I never left him, and he never hurt me. And all that was said and done was the past and the present is now. And energy ran through us that was and is and always has been undeniable. He is distant, like he is afraid of being hurt. Even though I looked him in his eyes and confirmed that I am staying. We decided to try, like really try. Not just basement apartments, late night cuddles after happy hours and pretend to play house when I am in town.
Every thing was going well, and the first time I expressed openly my concerns about our new relationship. Perhaps, in fact, I need a healthy dose of attention. I am not like other women, I know. But just a phone call to say hello, a text to say I am thinking of you and mutual respect. Now we have found ourselves on the edge, or unstable. Maybe our relationship was never known or stable but now something has shifted again. A problem in communication, culture, language or perhaps all three.
“I am having people over on Sunday”
“Okay, cool, just let me know”
Sunday morning, I hadn’t heard from him. I texted him first to say “good morning” and I got a short response. I went and had coffee with a friend and called “A” after. He didn’t answer, nor text. I didn’t hear from until 6:30 p.m. which was four hours later.
“Hey, what are you doing?” – A
“Well having dinner with my family” –K
“I don’t speak Italian, what?” –A
I speak slower and repeat my sentence (English is his second language)
“Are you coming?”-A
“What? I didn’t hear from you all day, I had no idea what was going on. You didn’t call me back” –K (My thoughts were …and now after all of the liquor stores are closed (7:30 at this point) you want me to drive 60 minutes to your house after I had a glass of wine and it is dark.)
“I was busy, cleaning the house and getting stuff for the party”-A
“We are all busy, and you could not call your girlfriend and give her the respect of a phone call to tell her what time?”
“So you are not coming?” “This is bad Krysta.” – A
“You expect me to….” (my thoughts were I don’t hear from you all day and then you call me and expect me to jump up and run over to you?) I want a boyfriend that thinks about a girlfriend who has to drive a long distance on the beltway, gives her a certain time to come over and is never soooo ‘busy’ that he can’t return a phone call. And in addition, earlier I was channeling Will Smith in “Hitch” as I had a horrible allergic reaction to a certain type of wine, my face was red and swollen and I was looped up on Benadryl.
“I got to go, bye” - A
We haven’t spoken since. I feel hurt and he doesn’t understand why I am upset. I am sure he just thinks “she isn’t coming to my party.” Which of course is not very nice, I wanted to be there, naturally. But how can I be expected to just jump up with no confirmation, communication or contact? Am I wrong here? Should I have gone? Remember the allergy too. What should I do? Is it just not right, or worth it?
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