If it is old, just throw it out the window...

Goodbye old, hello new

I love a New Year, who doesn’t? It represents so many different things, it can mean you leave a past or mistake behind, start over again and is a time for new beginnings. You never know what the future holds and it is an adrenaline rush of the unknown, for me it is similar to traveling. If you choose you have the opportunity to be someone new if you wanted (just blame it on a “new age” new years resolution), it is kind of like spring cleaning for the soul. Regrets and mistakes are a funny thing, for most of us we would do it all over again if we had the choice, that is what makes life so grant, maybe that is the secret. Mistakes and regrets make for the best stories and best adventures, why would we want to give up the best stories of our own lives?

For me personally, each year usually is different, a new place in the world, new friends, most often I am in a new relationship, a new house and I am living a new life. I can be who ever I chose to be in that year. This is my choice, my work and the life that I have always wanted. Not that it doesn’t come with everyday challenges like missing my family and friends and an on going question to myself “When will I be finished?” Constantly I ask myself if I am finished traveling and moving around like some nomad gypsy lady that happens to have really good high heels and hair products. Each passing year I am getting a little more and more tired of moving about, and almost, yes I say almost ready to have just one place I call my own. But that is the thing, how do you know when a place is your own? I know that Korea was never my “place”, I loved it, had a great time and never regretted a moment but it is not my “place”. The same goes for North Africa and Southeast Asia with the exception of Bali. 

Each passing day that I sit in my kitchen in the South of Italy I wonder if it is my “place, to some degree I truly believe that it is. This country and the people I have met here have healed my soul in so many ways I will be forever grateful and have an eternal magical connection to this land. It has turned me into a different woman that looks at the world in a new light, with open arms and an open heart, just happy to be who I naturally am. I am quite uncertain if you can beat that, life here is simple; it brings you back to what really matters in life. What I enjoy doing here I do not have access to in America, it is pure and simple but delightfully delicious and I am not just talking about Sunday pastries. But, it is warm in November, the sun shines throughout the year, the coffee is small and strong and can keep you awake for days, the people are friendly and traditional and it seems that I have stepped into a time machine and have been carried back about 50 years. Here there is always a beach in sight, fresh fruit and vegetables in the garden and homemade wine sits on my table.  What really matters are the things that often as an American I forget about, it is my habit and culture of go, go, go, because faster is better and the mantra of “I want more” was at first hard to let go.  Sometimes you must stop and “smell the roses” as my father would say. Meaning take a moment each day and enjoy the beautiful pleasures of life, don’t forget to breathe in deeply and enjoy the simplicity of a magnificent garden.

Today, what matters to me is different from what mattered to me in the past. Now I want to spend as much time as I can with people I love, I am starting to enjoy cooking and making meals and nurturing people who are important in my life, I love strolling along the sea hand-in-hand with my boyfriend and driving along exploring the natural beauty passing vineyards and rolling hills along the way. In the last year my favorite things are to hang out with my girlfriends on the beach when the weather is warm and share a bottle of wine in a local near a heater in winter. I love buying wine with my boyfriend and truly enjoying and appreciating the ingredients and procedure of how and where it was made while we share stories.  My daily pleasures are going to my favorite outdoor market buying fresh, organic fruit, eggs and vegetables from the farmers and talking and gossiping to the wives sitting in lawn chairs on the street.

This year I have not only acquired a palate for great wine and love for new friends but have gotten a little closer to what I want in my life. I have said goodbye to old loves that were never good for me in the first place. Realizing what is best for you is not always what is easy, I have learnt to listen to that strong voice in my heart and in my soul that knows what I need. Along with letting go of people that are not positively contributing in my life and our relationship.  I have found out and gained knowledge about myself, what I need to make me happy and healthy and I do exactly that. I am in the processes of discovering my true self as well as letting others be who they are. I have realized that people can not be what you want them to be, nor give you something that they don’t have, instead people can only be and give you what they are and what they have in that moment. Also, I can only give others what I have in this moment, it is impossible to give something that I do not possess and grasp that people are in different places in their lives, not everyone thinks as I. Today I am conscious of the fact that people in my life are who they are, and what they are is beautiful, flaws and all. This year I hope that I have learnt how to be a better teacher to my students and a better companion to my friends and lovers.

I have traveled far and wide and discovered and explored new places and people. I went on a tour of Italy with a good friend on Easter, we meet interesting people, had an amazing dinner with new friends in Venice, saw famous sights, learned a bit about history, drank bottles of wine and shared secrets and became a little closer than when she arrived. I made a family out of friends that I work with, and was adopted by an Italian family that fed me each Saturday and spent hours soaking up the sun on the beach in the summer. I went on day trips with a man to new places, driving along in the southern sun with my bare toes on the dash singing tunes on the radio and playing a love game of tug-a-war, knowing in my heart it was never met to be. I said “goodbye” to friends that I fell in love with on a warm summers eve drinking one to many cocktails and met my current boyfriend. The next day I said “hello” to a new summer job in Spain. I spent a few days in Seville sightseeing and writing, then hopped on a train to my summer job. Where I met the most amazing teachers and students. I spent four beautiful weeks in the mountains in Southern Spain living with my students in a camp that had spiders as big as your hand and the energy was as loving as your heart. I took away the best pieces and lessons from the people that came into my life. I drank whiskey on the back of a bus at 9 o’clock in the morning with colleagues and in a misty goodbye headed to North Africa, with a backpack and three new friends. We spent one night in a beautiful hotel enjoying the luxuries of “real life” again after living in a cabin with 7 other teachers, fighting for a shower, sleeping 4 hours a night and one night a week sleeping in the same cabin as the students with the sweet kid in my class peacefully snoring on the bunk above mine. A beautiful challenging experience. We didn’t plan to spend the night in a hotel, but after whiskey at 9 am and a friend getting a little drunk it was best to have a good nights rest. The next day we boarded a ferry headed to an unknown destination and had nothing planned, not even a hotel, my adrenalin still beats for that adventure.  I stepped off the desolate boat covered from head to toe, I covered my blonde hair with a veil and wore a dress that kissed the top of my toes, I pulled sunglasses over my blue eyes and finally I was completely unrecognizable.  I silently prayed that we wouldn’t get robbed I stepped onto African soil. I was in North Africa, Morocco to be exact! We spent one dodgy day looking for something to eat in a small town next to the beach with one single camel looking as lost as we felt. We wandered through back alleys and bazaars looking for lost treasures, buying jewelry as I rubbed a lamp similar to the famous Disney story, I was hoping a genie would pop out and grant me a wish. That night we boarded a night train headed to Casablanca, it took over 12 hours and we slept in a shared bunk with money close to our chest. I met two guys from America that became our friends, and we actually followed them to their bed and breakfast and spent a week traveling together. The bed and breakfast was my favorite B&B through all of my travels. We arrived on the first day of Ramada and we went on a search for alcohol in the dry city, knowing I could be arrested if caught sipping wine as a woman made my heart beat in excitement.  One night I made peace with many past ghosts as I laid curled in bed gripping my stomach and going in and out of nightmares from food poisoning.

I then made my way back to Europe to spend a few days in Italy and Spain before making my way back “home” to America. In summer 2011 I was in 6 different countries, 9 planes and three Continents in one week, it was the best summer of my life. After two sweet months in America I headed back to Bari, Italy for another year. As soon as I stepped of the plane I ran to my new house, met my new roommates then headed out to meet my girls and drink cocktails while sharing hugs and stories. Together again. A few weeks later I kissed a boy at a party, the same boy I met before boarding a plane to Spain. I fell in love with him; I am still falling in love with him because each day is better than the last. The last few months of this year I have spent with him, and I am bringing in the New Year in with him by my side. I already hear fireworks in the distance and people are in the streets preparing for tonight. It is Southern Italian tradition to throw your old furniture out of the window onto the street below as I look around my apartment to join in the fun I can’t help but wonder if it is best we carry an umbrella tonight and pray we don’t get hit in the head with a flying chair.

Yes, my life is incredibly different this year and I have loved every second, I would be lying if I didn’t say this was the best year of my life. Perhaps I should announce that “2012 you have a little competition” but I am up for the challenge to make this year even better. I am not sure what the future holds but I will greet it with a friendly smile, I couldn’t be any happier to say “hello” to a new year.