I feel like a child, sitting on a carnival ride that just ended for the third time and I haven’t any more tickets. I must get off the ride while everyone else is still enjoying the fun. Is my ride of travel really over, do I have another ticket hidden somewhere deep in my heart or stuffed inside of my skinny jean pocket? I have always had two different hearts, travel and settling. I want both with equal passion. I was sitting at a dinner table, exploring my past with a new friend, and it hit me like a jolt of electricity, is my ride up? I feel like one of those old celebrities that were famous in the 80’s still stuck in that time, their good ol’ ride. Each of my stories start out, once in Morocco or some other foreign land, but that is my past now, and how often can I relive it? I know that my traveling heart will never seize, but to actually live and make a life in another country for a year or longer. It gets harder as I get older, to go to another place, another language, another man, perhaps. But I love it, it runs through my veins and my heart craves adventure and the unknown. Again, I sit here and wonder if I made the right choice, but then again there is no right or wrong, bad or good; they are just labels when we do not possess the words to describe how we feel. Should I keep going? I have the world in my hands, and can go anywhere to teach. Should I stay here, where my family and childhood friends are near? I feel in my bones that I will be in another committed relationship quite soon, causing me to create roots like a tree, leaving it hard to be uprooted and moved after time. Someone recently asked me if I wanted a white picket fence, my reply was that white gets dirty easily and fences create boundaries. I am not sure if he liked my response but I know he is intrigued. There are so many countries that I want to explore, but do I really want to spend my life there? I’m unsure, but really what twenty-something year old knows what he or she really wants, and who they are. I know exactly who I am, but no closer to knowing what I want. Two hearts. Maybe two is better than one.
